"You bought a digital test?"

Pregnancy tests seem like they should be so easy. They are the exact opposite. When you're really trying to get pregnant and are frequently monitoring it, those little pink lines can look pretty vague. I do admit that I used to have (this was about one year ago) a middle schooler's level of knowledge when it came to reproduction---no, really. I just thought you could get pregnant, easily, whenever. I knew ovulation was a "big deal," but also assumed that every time of intimacy could be "the one time" that I got pregnant. I also just assumed that, bam, you had sex, and then could take a pregnancy test the next day. No, I REALLY thought that those things were true.

Once we started really trying, it became a drag to buy all of those pregnancy tests. Buying them individually gets pricey. I ended up "researching"  --which led to me obsessively using them. Sometimes, I'd take the pregnancy tests two or three times in a day. The lines were ridiculously faint and hard to read at times. You can Google and find photos of people's pregnancy strips 1 DPO through 28 DPO (days past ovulation).

I bought a pregnancy test that came with a 7 buck rebate. Hey, why not?

I also continued my "research" (ah, internet) and bought some tests from Dollar Tree. They get pretty good ratings, in terms of accuracy.

This test was from July 10 .... 10 DPO for the ovulation creepers out there. That dark line is the line that is always there; there does "seem" to be a faint second line, but it's crazy hard to tell.

This test was from July 20. Since it was about 20DPO, I classed it up and spent money on the digital test. I like the digital tests because there's no line cryptology skills needed. You just need to be literate.

John and I had been trying again (post- D&C) since April and we both got quickly frustrated with the nebulous lines. Getting pregnant for the first time in December was so exciting---seeing that line together. After going through the D&C, moments seemed to lose some of their luster. I just started taking the tests by myself, looking at the non-existent lines, and tossing them in the trash. Our bathroom trash could have been renamed HCG test disposal container.

When this test came out positive, I called John into the bathroom. I think his first words were, "Wait, you bought a digital test?!"

I'm frugal, but when the time comes for seriousness and legitimacy, I'm all in....

In the back of my mind

I've been meaning to blog for ages. Finally, those plans are being accomplished...somewhat.

I'm 20ish weeks along! There's slight confusion because my original paperwork from the doctor showed the baby's due date as being 3/24; more recent paperwork shows it as 3/31. In the words of many family members: "Those dates don't mean too much. The baby will come when she wants to."

She is the right pronoun. We're having a girl! At first, I was a bit apprehensive. It's horrible to generalize, but when I think of little girls, I think of dance classes, Girl Scouts, braided pigtails, and an assortment of other girly things that I can't really connect with. However, there's no requirement that I have to raise my child as a "girly girl." Furthermore, parents can do whatever they want to, but at some point, children grow into the people that they want to be; we have no control over it.

Really though... I can barely put my hair in an elastic. This child is in for an interesting adventure.

We've had some hiccups along the way. About a month ago, I found out that I tested positive as a carrier for Canavan disease. It's a disease that predominantly affects people Ashkenazi Jewish heritage. If John was also a carrier, the doctor said the baby had a 25% chance of getting the disease and that he would advise us to not continue with the pregnancy. John tested negative for the disease, so there is no chance of our child having it. That positive blood test (for me) made me delay in telling people about the pregnancy.

Although this is supposed to be a happy time, my mind often comes back to February 10, the date of the D&C. I would not say it is constant, but I often question things with this pregnancy. About a week and a half ago, I felt "flutters." I haven't felt anything since. Naturally, I'm thinking to myself, What's the matter? What's wrong?  Sometimes when I use the restroom, I worry about seeing blood, since that is often the sign of a miscarriage. People say that you're "okay" once you are past 12 weeks, but that is false. People still can miscarry past 12 weeks. Again, this is not something that is constantly on my mind, but it is often enough.

My next appointment is this Friday. It's Friday the 13th. Things are only so much in our control. When the woman asked if I wanted another appointment date, I replied, "No."